Monday, November 17, 2008

House Hunters

I've gotten into a blog called "Awful Announcing" -- among other sports media related things (including maps of what football games are being shown in each state on Sundays), the writer does a live feed of various events (the ones from the World Series are v. funny).

I've been obsessed with House Hunters on HGTV for the "are you serious?" factor -- these people say the dumbest things and I end up rooting for them to go plunging backwards off the deck or carried off by wild natives into the woods rather than finding a nice place to upgrade their lives.

With all due respect to Awful Announcing, here's a live feed of House Hunters:

A couple from Long Island are looking to return to Long Island from Manhattan after recently marrying (she had to sell her big willie in Texas). They are so Long Island. It's clear farm living is the life for her, while New York is where he'd rather stay.

Him: Here's a 4th floor walk-up for $800,000.
Her: I'm not walking up for $800,00.

1st house
Her (to the realtor): Is it always so windy here?
--as if the ultimate decision on the home would come down to the atmospheric conditions outside

Him (staring at a vineyard): I notice there's a vineyard.
Realator: Yeah.

Her: The only downfall is that I wish there were more room for washing and drying (there is a room with a washer and dryer - -how much room does she need?).

Her in the bedroom: There isn't enough room to face the bed this way -- that's not good feng shui, and you know what would happen in here with bad feng shui - nothing.

Him: (silent)

3rd house
Her: It reminds me of New England (it's a New England style home)

Realtor: Wait 'til you see the interior - it follows through on the inside. (!)

Him: (silent)

Time to think.
She wore some variation long skirt and short jacket for all three houses.
Oooo, commercial for Rock Band 2... must get xbox...
Prune commercial -- guess who watches HGTV?
UPS commercial -- wonder if they have tape?

1 -- high price but being on a vineyard "would be spectacular"
2 -- she likes the front porch, he's concerned it's close to the road (it's not)
3 -- she likes the patio bricks, the commute is far
All of them get "it's a pretty house". I hope whatever house they pick spontaneously bursts into flames.

The spendy house on the vineyard. They paid the asking price, saying it's worth it to live on a vineyard, as if they'll have some hand (or foot) in the stomping of the grapes.

6 months later:
She likes the kitchen so people can come help her, the bedroom is nice, but their favorite room is the hors d'oeuvres room -- that's all they use it for.
Next year they'll be growing her herbs (woo-hoo).
The farm stands are different than Manhattan. No kidding.
She's wearing a kimono and a turtleneck.

I gotta get off of this show.

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