Saturday, December 12, 2009

Now is Now

On the recommendation of friends, I read the book Beautiful Boy, and now am reading it's companion, Tweak.

Beautiful Boy is written by a father whose son grew up addicted to crystal meth with a cycle of relapses, lies, and distrust. Tweak is the son's story. It is hard hard hard to read as he describes the irrational thinking of his inner addict and the depths to which he fell and the hopelessness of trying to recover. In a conversation with his sponsor, who has become the cornerstone of his life, the sponsor tells Nic "now is now", in an effort to help him understand that you can't change the past and can't just wish for the future, but that you have to just be in the moment and accept what it is. And enjoy it.

Yes, yes, yes.

I worry so much about the mistakes of the past and how they may have so negatively impacted the goals I had for my life. I've been feeling there are things I will never have, and will never do. I've been feeling that certain aspects of my work are unchangeable and difficult. I've been sick and so very tired, and that makes it easy to wallow in the junk.

But when I read this chapter it made we teary as I looked around at my lovely Christmas tree, the wine glass set out for Dinner Club tomorrow night, my cat all fluffed up from the chill in the air, and the receipt from my car repair that was $600 cheaper than I was anticipating. Today was a very, very good day. This moment is a very, very good moment. Now is now, and now is good. That's all I can do.

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