Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Missing Things

I tend to get a little homesick in the fall. I think it's because some of my favorite small town childhood memories were wrapped up in fall activities - high school football, the fall play, the day off of school and carnie extravaganza that is the Apple Festival. I also have a very vivid memory of walking the few blocks home from school after a Girl Scout meeting or something in the twilight and saw our home's kitchen light blazing and feeling warm and loved and happy. The last time I was in my hometown in the fall my sweet nephew was still an infant and now he's sounding out words, so it's been some time. My mom was getting ready to move south in a few months and I remember coming home from spending an hour or so at the Apple Fest for lunch and feeling nothing but glad that I wouldn't have to come back there on a regular basis as it was, frankly, a sad place. I don't want it back, but I miss it.

Over the last several months I have, essentially, started my life over. Sounds dramatic, I know, but that's how I roll. I've committed to healthy(ish) eating and regular exercise. I've gotten girly and like things like facials, regular salon appointments and cute dresses. I've gotten to the final business-y stages of a divorce. I'm planning a move in a month to a lovely rental home with an actual washer/dryer and more space than 1 person and a little cat need. I am, for the first time in a very long time, happy. It's wonderful and genuine. Of course there are bad days when I feel like I may not be able to take the next breath, but somehow I do and life moves on.

But... I miss things. I miss Five Guys burgers and the free time I had when I wasn't lacing up the sneakers every day. I miss the extra money I had before I started covering up the gray every 8- 10 weeks. I miss being married. A lot. I miss not having so much to think about. I'm going to miss my neighborhood and routine. I kind of miss the complacency.

I absolutely don't want these things back. My everyday mood and energy and work life and relationships are healthier than they've ever been and I wouldn't trade that for anything. But I miss things. Can't help it. It's a feeling I don't really know what to do with other than acknowledge it and put it away. I suppose if I got rid of it completely I'd miss it.

This lovely image is from here


Melanie, One Wellness said...

I understand how you feel. Each time I make a major life change, a part of me is reminiscent of "the old days" and yet I know I am happier and healthier now than ever before. This is a part of our evolution as a being, and it is integral to our future changes. Congratulations on making positive change, and expressing your feelings so gratefully. If I can support you in your journey to better health in any way, I would be happy to.

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NitaGay said...

I love the way you express yourself by writing your day-to-day thoughts. It has such a laid-back, almost melancholy feel. It is like sitting by a warm open fireplace on a cold night. Thank you for sharing your outlook on life. I have been through many life changes since I am older than you. Some have been very postive, some hurtful, but life just the same. Feel free to visit my blog although I have just begun to develop it.

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Fara said...

You know, I'm proud of you moving on
and making a new life
and working out
Omg,this is just amazing
life is there for you
and you are on the right path
just don't be afraid and don't think back, see more tv shows or read stories it will take your mind off thinking about the things you miss.

Trisha said...

I think sometimes it is easy for others to confuse missing things we don't really need as wanting them back. Congrats to you for knowing the difference!

杜罗森 said...

I've just written my first blog about the things I miss in my hometown then I ran into your article. This coincident surprised me and let me know that people can feel the same feelings all over the world.

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I can relate with you. The choice of image is just perfect.

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I just started a blog, dont really know how to do it..
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PS: This picture reminds me of my Cat, Tommy. He died last week, and I so miss him.. :(

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Unknown said...

To me that was beautiful. Never forget where you've been, but keep moving forward. I two love the way you write.

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BartSimpsonsxx said...

Well we all need to let go of certain things in life. And holding on for too long may eventually hurt us more but hey we all got to start on something new. An end is never the end,it's just a new beginning.